Snoopy Playing Bridge

• A few ways to describe a Nut: Governor of Left Field, Gardener in the Desert of Logic, Ambassador of the Abstract, Pilot of the Paper Aeroplane Fleet, Sailor of the Concrete Seas
• Do y'all remember, before the internet, that people thought the cause of stupidity was the lack of access to information? Yeah. It wasn't that.
• Threw out my back sleeping and tweaked my neck sneezing, so I'm probably just one strong fart away from complete paralysis.
• Be sure to bring up politics at Thanksgiving dinner. It's going to save you money on Christmas gifts. Follow me for more holiday tips.
• As a kid, I used to watch the Wizard of Oz and wonder how people could talk if they didn't have a brain. Then I got social media.
• Not to get technical...but according to chemistry, alcohol is a solution.
• In every relationship there is one person who stacks the dishwasher like a Scandinavian architect, and one who stacks it like a racoon on crystal meth.