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Have you heard of Dick the doubler from the Sugarloaf Greystones
He doubled or re- doubled, you could hear his partner's groans
His partners weren't ever sure he bid within the rules
There was always that discomfort he was taking them for fools.
But when he did the doubling, he thought it would suggest to them
That if they had a point or two then surely they must bid
But damn it if they didn't then he thought" we'll now to he'll with them
I'll double till the cows come home" and sure enought he did.
The first time that he doubled and his partner simply passed
He knew she should say something so he looked at her aghast
The opponents tried another bid- he doubled like a twit
And they got the bloody contract -was it time for him to quit?
It didn't matter what the lead,a dimond heart or spade
They knew he was banjaxed as soon as it was played
His partner got to realise his doubling' was for the birds
She said " you stupid asterisk " I'm careful with my words
When someone muttered" Stayman" as he went out to the loo
He doubled back and wondered just what he was ment to do
He wasn't sure what Stayman meant his mind was in a fog
But then said he " ill have to see a man about a dog"
He didn't trust his partner - played a selfish game, alas
He played a constipated Bridge - he simply couldn't pass
He added points at random even heading for a slam
He had no respect for Cuthbertson - he didn't give a damn
He thought that his aggression would send signals to the all
Whether A or B's or masters they might be afraid to call
They got to know his style of play and let him fly his kite
And when they got their doubled contract he'd be sulking for the night
Whether partner or opponent they could always read his mind
He surely needed lessons or a kick in the behind
But if his partner bid at all- it put him on the spot
'twas a hint for him to double and he doubled like a shot
He bewildered everybody and upset them to distraction
He was like a dodgy dentist who is driven to extraction
The patient jerks; the partner smirks and lets him double on
She couldn't now be bothered; all her faith in Bridge is gone
After all his years of doubling he at last came to his wits
The opponents started doubling him and doubling him to bits
He was totally disillusioned - he was shrunken to a midge
It was then that he decided to give up the bloody Bridge
By
Gerry Murray
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