Just be careful because people are going crazy from being in lockdown! I’ve just been talking about this with the microwave and toaster while drinking coffee and we all agreed that things are getting bad. I didn't mention anything to the washing machine as she puts a different spin on everything. Certainly not to the fridge as he is acting cold and distant. In the end, the iron straightened me out as she said everything will be fine, no situation is too pressing. The vacuum was very unsympathetic... told me to just suck it up, but the fan was more optimistic and hoped it would all soon blow over! The toilet looked a bit flushed when I asked its opinion and didn’t say anything, but the doorknob told me to get a grip. The front door said I was unhinged and so the curtains told me to ........yes, you guessed it....pull myself together…….

The Corona Virus has been created by Women? 

Think about it lads..... 

1. No sports

2. All Pubs closing

3. 14 days quarantine so that you can get those jobs done

4. Flu like symptoms. They know that's our Kryptonite!

5. They even named it after a beer.

My husband purchased a world map.... gave me a dart and said, "throw this and wherever it lands I'm taking you for a holiday when this pandemic is over". Turns out we're spending two weeks behind the fridge.  – Judy H

From Catherine

“Just been into Tesco.  Saw a fella whose trolley was full to the brim with hand sanitiser, toilet rolls, soap, everything that people need.  I called him selfish, gave him the low down about the elderly, vulnerable and health care and emergency service workers etc who need these types of things.  Told him he should be ashamed of himself.

He said, "That's all very well and good mate but I work here, can I carry on filling the shelves now?"

John Crawford achieved considerable notoriety as a shrewd card player. According to legend, he was once in a hopeless four-spade contract. About midway through the play this exchange takes place:

Crawford: The rest are mine. Making five.

Opponent: What do you mean! I still have a trump trick.

Crawford: Oh, you’re absolutely right. Great defence, too, to hold me to four.

Opponent: Thank you