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Newsletters (7-9)

The Newsletter - No. 7- May 1996

A Rookie’s Diary (1) ‘Blown It” by Tony Togneri

(The fresh pair: ‘veteran’ Raj Talathi and ‘rookie’ Tony Togneri, have entered the May Day

Pairs in Liverpool. Against the odds they are lying second, having won their first six

matches, and face the leading side, 7 VP adrift, in the last match. Now read on.)

Board 1 An over-optimistic 3NT goes two down - Poor start

Board 2 Better? They make 10 tricks in 3¨ when 3NT is stiff.

Board 3 Great declarer play by Raj brings 3©, home on a combined 17 count.

Board 4 A repeat of board one. (3NT -2) and they are ahead at halfway.

Board S The opposition make 4©, but the board must be pancake-flat.

Board 6

North

AJ 10843

109

K763

West

East

Dealer East

J8653

J754

Game All

AK8632

Q942

South

KQ7

A109742

A105

West

North

East

South

Raj

Malcolm Mitchell

Tony

Judy Mitchell

Pass

1©¹

Pass

2§²

2¨

2©

Pass³

2ª

3¨

4NT

Pass

5¨

Pass

6ª

All Pass

¹Blue Club - four card suit, 12-16 hcp

²Forcing - may be a short suit

³Reformed character!

⁴Ordinary Blackwood

Our luck is in - a bad heart break means the losing club cannot be discarded. Board 7 Dame Fortune smiles on us Raj opens a weak Notrump. I have l0hcp and 5-5 in the majors. We find 4© with 4 losers, but they attack clubs and a diamond loser goes away. Board 8 Longing for a tame part-score I pick up:

ª - ©AK10976 ¨74 §AKQ87 and hear Raj open 1¨.On the brink of victory after a tiring day, I am nervous. RHO interrupts my thoughts with “ Stop –3ª”. I tamely double and Raj takes this to be for penalties. Even though few pairs bid the stiff 6©, our haul of +300 is not good.

We have won the battle 13-7 VP but lost the war 93-92 VP. Perhaps I will not blow it in future

- Sorry, Raj.

Congratulations to Dianne Mills and Barbara Foster on their victory in the Staffordshire Ladies Pairs, held May 15th at Stafford Bridge Club.

Reader’s Letters

The vast majority of correspondence received and views stated on Handicapping (see March Edition) were hostile to the idea. Space prevents full publication of letters but Vincent Owen expressed powerfully the majority view:

…….numerical juggling and figure massaging should be left to tax evaders, creative accountants, politicians and their ilk and play no part in the assessment of performance at the Bridge Table. Let us hear no more of this shenanigan but improve our standards of bidding and play to enhance the status of our club and provide individual satisfaction and enjoyment

Recipe for Success

Fred the barman’s Bridge Cocktails

1.Queens

Shake together equal parts of gin, dry vermouth, sweet vermouth and pineapple juice.

2.Opening

Stir together equal parts rye whisky, dry vermouth and Campari.

3.Grand Slam

Stir two parts Swedish punch with one part sweet vermouth and one part dry vermouth.

4.Tartan Two

Stir together equal parts Scotch. sweet vermouth, dry vermouth, Benedictine and a dash of angostura bitters.

§¨©ª

Game for a laugh

On a Mercian holiday to Majorca, Director, Ron Heath, was forced to partner John, an occasional player (very). One particular hand found Ron in the dealer’s seat with a strong two in hearts. ‘STOP - 2©,’ began Ron, only to find the hand passed out. Dummy went down with heart support and values everywhere. Only a badly placed King prevented all thirteen tricks being made. Ron politely asked John if he had thought of responding anything.

‘Certainly not,’ said John, ‘you said “Stop” and I did.

§¨©ª

“Not the only one to make it!” a tale of “Timorous”

I could not drag myself away from the notice board at Newcastle Bridge Club. There it was in black and white. The Thursday Club Duplicate won North-South by Chef and myself. Not by much, mind you, but does the margin of victory matter? I knew we had enjoyed a good evening by Chef’s unusually limited criticism and by the fact that he had wished me goodnight when I dropped him off. As I stood there glowing, Chef arrived in the company of the Director of the said event and the compiler of that awful Newsletter that makes fun of me. Chef growled, indicating the Director, ‘John reckons it was down to our slam on Board 16 being a “World Top”. You were the only one ...’ ‘I was the only one to make it, ‘ I interrupted, savouring unaccustomed praise. Pity, but I can’t remember the hand.’

‘I can,’ said Chef, beginning to scribble on the back of an old traveller, ‘ You were South as usual

North

K1043

Q6542

K1094

West

East

J76

Dealer West

Q82

K10

KQ983

Game All

J107654

J52

Q83

South

A95

A9873

A76

West

North

East

South

Richard

Chef

Margaret

Timorous

Pass

1©

Pass

4¨¹

Pass

4ª²

Pass

5¨²

Pass

6©

All Pass

¹ Splinter Bid agreeing hearts and showing void or singleton diamond.

² Cue bid of first round control, Ace or Void.

Probably I had let the four aces go to my head - my hearts were rotten and chef was a passed hand. Then Chef showed a diamond void, which was waste paper opposite my Ace, I know I should have signed off in 5©. I didn’t but what is the point of having feminine intuition if you don’t use it?

West led the ¨K which I ruffed in dummy and played a trump to my Ace. I had to admit it didn’t look good with the boss trump to lose, as well as one in each black suit. Forlornly I played the ¨A preparing (pointlessly) to pitch a spade. I caught sight of Chef’s angry face and got very flustered, playing carelessly from dummy. At this point chef got up and headed for the bar. I toyed with another card and heard my RHO say, ‘ Lead is from dummy. You ruffed a diamond.’ I was horrified. In my upset state I had ruffed my own ¨A. No wonder chef had sought the solace of alcohol! Not knowing what to lead I threw in West by playing a trump from dummy. He returned a spade and I covered East’s Queen with the Ace and played a low spade, finessing west for the Jack. Now my losing club could go away on the thirteenth spade and I counted twelve tricks. A rather plaintive West said ‘It didn’t matter what I returned. Clubs would play just the same as spades and a diamond gives a ruff and sluff.’

I am putting all of you on your honour never to reveal to Chef how I made the contract. He doesn’t deserve to know. Passing the traveller to that wretched compiler, he muttered, ‘ What I was about to say was not that you were the only one to make it, but that you were the only one daft enough to bid it.’

§¨©ª

There are Fits, bad Fits and..... by G. Onaway (pen name)

G.Onaway is a former club member now resident in New Zealand The Newsletter is sent there by his wife (later to join him) and is enjoyed sufficiently to

stimulate a contribution.

If you really want an unhelpful trump-suit fit, try playing in the opposition suit. Maybe it will be third time lucky and won’t happen to me this week. A fortnight ago, playing with an ‘improver’, I picked up: ª5 ©A9 ¨AK7 §AKQJ1094. I opened a strong 1§, partner responded 1¨ and RHO interfered with 1ª. My jump to 3ªshowed a powerful hand and enquired about a spade stopper. Passed out !! Partner then laid down: ªA2 ©654 ¨Q96432 §62 . We did make three aces (the 4§ was ruffed ) but this was hardly compensation for the stiff twelve tricks in Notrumps.

In action last week with an experienced State Master, I heard her open 1ª. Holding five spades, 11 HCP and a void heart, I splintered to 4©. Yes, partner passed. No, our opponents did not double. Yes, we played in our 0-2 heart fit. Want to see how it played? I was declarer sitting South:

North

AQ10986

Q54

West

East

Dealer North

A10872

KQJ954

Game All

105432

K10987

South

KJ754

AQ987

J63

The ª3 was led and ruffed, East returning a trump to West’s seven. A second spade was ruffed. East drew dummy’s last trump and exited with a small diamond to dummy’s King. I returned the ¨ J and overtook with the Queen but West ruffed. The Ace and King of clubs were cashed and a third club ruffed by East who returned a diamond for West to ruff. The two established clubs were cashed, followed by the Ace of trumps on which fell East’s Queen of trumps.

(4© - 9)!!!!

§¨©ª

Reader’s Queries answered by Tog

To “Joker”, who wonders if the 3NT opening is always a gambling minor type

A rare alternative is to use the Kabel 3NT which is an immediate Ace-asking bid. The usual responses are: 4§ no Ace 4¨, 4©, 4ª, 5§ Ace of the bid suit and 5¨,5©,5ª,6§ Ace of bid suit plus Ace of next suit up. 4NT two non-touching Aces. 5NT Three aces.

But you would only use the Kabel 3NT with a two loser hand or better.

To “Qnslow” who asks about odd and even discards

I rate this the best method for discarding. An odd card 3 - 5- 7- 9 shows an interest in that suit. An even card 2, 4, 6, 8, 10 shows no iInterest in the suit, but has McKenney implications. Thus a low even card, 2 or 4 shows interest in a low suit and a high even card, 8 or 10, shows interest in a high suit.

e.g. §2 discarded on a heart shows an interest in diamonds, 8© discarded on a spade also shows an interest in diamonds. The ©3 discarded on anything would show interest in hearts and the ª7 an interest in spades. Some partnerships use the six as showing no preference.

§¨©ª

Don’t forget to enter the:

SIMULTANEOUS PAIRS

Friday June 7th 19.15

The Newsletter No. 8 June 1996

The Suit Quality Test for Club Players by Tog

The Suit Quality Test is a good guide to the strength of your long suit and is particularly useful when deciding to overcall, pre-empt, or bid a weak two. Counting A, K or Q as 1 honour, add the number of honours to the number of cards in the suit. The total is called the Suit Quality and the total indicates the level to which you may bid given that the rest of your hand is suitable. If you have an A, K or Q then J or 10 may also be counted as honours, but not when standing alone. Examples: (a) A98762 = 1 + 6 = 7. 7 points - good enough for an overcall at one level. (b) J107653 = 0+6. 6 too poor to overcall. (c) KQ1087 = 3 + 5 = 8. 8 points - good enough for overcall at the two level. (d) AQJ76432 = 3 + 8 = 11. 11 points -good enough to overcall at the four (or if necessary, five) level.

As shown, the Suit Quality indicates the level at which the suit is good enough to overcall and should also be used when considering an opening preempt or a Weak Two bid.

The rule of ten stems from the Suit Quality test. With a suit quality of 10 or more - as in (d) - you may insist on that suit as trumps - even if partner has no support for you.

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern a Timorous & Chef story

Although Chef is my partner at Newcastle, we captain different teams at our local bridge club in the sticks. I partner my friend, Pamela, with Josie and Anita as team mates. Collectively, we are referred to as the ‘Golden Girls’. Chef heads a mixed and far less civilised four, who spend as much time at the bar as the bridge table. We are the better-balanced team and, on the last Friday in June, we were hoping to demolish Chef’s seedy outfit and become club champions. With the final eight boards to play, we were just a few imps ahead. Pamela and I had previously discussed a gadget that she called Kaplan-Sheinwold whereby raising an opening one of a major to 3NT shows a balanced hand with four card support in the major. The sixth board of the set must have seemed ideal to her:

North

J843

KJ54

A97

West

East

872

Dealer South

Q1054

Q1095

10632

E/W Vul

Q87

QJ432

South

AJ63

AK76

K108

West

North

East

South

Vera

Pamela

Seth

Timorous

1©

Pass

3NT

Pass

4©

All Pass

I felt good at having remembered partner’s 3NT was Kaplan-Sheinwold and settled for the heart game. West opened with the §6 which I won in hand and played the Ace and King of trumps only to find the bad break. I remembered Chefs frequently proffered advice to forget about overtricks at teams and just make the contract. So....no dangerous finesses. I played three rounds of diamonds, ruffing East’s Queen on the third round, crossed to ªK and pitched a club on the ¨J

Now followed the §A and another club, ruffed in hand and over-ruffed by West, who now played her boss ©Q. I still had the ©J for one of the spade losers and was home with the loss of one spade and two hearts.

‘Well done, partner,’ said Pamela, ‘what a good job we stopped in four with that break.’

‘Let’s just hope,’ I replied, darkly, ‘that Chef punted and got too high.’

The next evening found Chef and I with our respective spouses at the Vic watching Tom Stoppard’s Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead. During the coffee interval I cornered Chef and made him tell me about that hand. It had, after all, cost us 12 imps and the championship.

‘I opened 1©,’ Chef began, and I nodded, ‘Partner responded 2¨ and I, of course, jumped to 3NT. Partner now bid 4© which, on this auction, seemed worth investigating. I cue-bid my Ace of spades. Partner’s 5§ showed first round control of clubs, and....’ Here Chef halted, whilst a wicked smile spread across his face, ‘against such modest opposition I had no hesitation in bidding the small slam. Once I had found the bad break. I played ¨A, ¨K, ruff a diamond, ªK, ªA, ruff a spade. Next the §A to produce ten tricks and the following end-play

North

West

East

Q10

South

‘Now I played the boss ¨J from dummy and ruffed it. Eleven tricks. I now led the ª6 from hand to make the Jack of trumps en passant. Twelve tricks and 1430.’

I have to admit it. Despite all his failings, Chef is still my master at the bridge table. I looked up to see him glancing quizzically at me.

‘One of your golden girls,’ he said, ‘Josie, I think, was muttering about something new you are playing. She seemed to think it was Kantar and Sharples, but surely that can’t be right.’ ‘Kaplan-Sheinwold,’ I murmured, ‘Forget it, Chef. As regards my convention card they have just emulated Rosencrantz and Guildenstern.’

No Longer An Option by “Pet”

My partner and I, after some problems, have now decided that doubles of three-level bidswill be penalty doubles. Like many people, we have been using a sort-of optional double, which has led to some poor results. The hand which finally decided us came the other Monday night and seems worth writing about:

North

104

AQJ87

AK94

West

East

932

Dealer West

AQJ7

AQ10943

Game All

943

QJ876532

South

K865

K8765

1062

West

North

East

South

Margaret

Pat

Cath

Mike

3§

Dble

Pass

4§¹

Dble

Pass²

Pass

4©

Pass

Dble

All Pass

¹ The cue bid is a probe for a major-suit game. ²No preference for either major

My double of the preempt was essentially for takeout, though partner was free to convert it into a penalty double by passing. Partner’s cue bid, as so often happens, increased the uncertainty and my pass saw him naturally choose his longer major. A disaster occurred! 3§, left, alone or doubled, will, probably lose one spade, two diamonds and three clubs for +500. In that. terrible heart contract, we managed only seven tricks (six in the red suits and, the ªK) for -800. Bye bye, optional doubles.

§¨©ª

And now, for Bridge Players of all ages Neil and Len’s

Pleasure Island

Episode 1. Billy Bones

The wind shrieked through the old elms and dashed rain against the walls of the Benbow Inn (prop. Mrs Hawkins). But I was warm and happy in my favourite room, the kitchen. I added fresh peas and a turnip julienne to a casserole of partridge and turkey, baby onions and tomatoes before removing the páte brisée from the cold store and rolling out a pie shape. My mother’s voice, shrill and angry, brought me back to reality, ‘Where be them pasties for the gentry, Jim, lad?’

I shuddered. More Cornish pasties for Squire Trelawney and Dr. Livesey! They were only petit-gentry, no more than Regional Masters. I preferred the educated palate of Captain Billy Bones, for all that he was just a 36* Tournament master. I completed the Captain’s supper, which I set upon a napkin, slammed two tepid pasties on wooden plates and headed for the Bridge room. A great silence had fallen over that usually clamorous place. Friday night was dedicated to rubber bridge, with many a Cornish farmer hazarding his wages in the role of gambling kibitzer. Billy Bones, red-faced and bleary from over-generous tots of Macallans, was accepting bets against his making a contract. I hurried across with his supper and was struck with horror, since it seemed the Captain had gone too far. It was obvious that, after his partner had opened, he had tried to prevent a spade lead, and then had been unable to stop his partner bidding a spade slam. The full deal was:

North

K1084

AQ1076

West

East

A752

Dealer West

KQ1098

J7532

Game All

J543

South

963

AQ1092

KJ52

West

North

East

South

Redruth

Thuro

St Ives

Captain Bones

Pass

1§

Pass

1ª¹

2©

4ª

Pass

5§²

Pass

5ª

Pass

6§³

Pass

6ª

All Pass

¹ Crafty stuff - intended to stop a spade lead

² Perhaps partner will get the message that my spades are weak

³ Even that idiot Truro must leave this alone

‘You all done, mateys,’ said Bones, ‘there ain’t no more bets against old Billy making?’ The many small piles of groats confronting the Captain’s doubloons testified to Cornish confidence in the braggart’s forthcoming downfall. Billy won the heart lead in dummy, cashed the ¨K and finessed the ¨10, which worked. He next led the ¨A, apparently preparing to pitch a losing heart. West ruffed low and dummy over-ruffed. Back to hand with a club, he led the ¨Q. After some thought, West again ruffed and was over-ruffed by dummy. Once more Billy returned to hand with a club and led a spade toward the King. West played low and dummy won with ªK and returned his last spade, East’s Queen falling under West’s Ace. The ©Q was now ruffed with Billy’s final trump and the contract claimed. The kibitzers wailed. A grin split the Captain’s hickory face as he scooped up his winnings and wolfed the supper I had prepared. This reminded me that I had still to serve the pasties. I hurried towards the Squire and his companion, colliding with a one-legged caddie, who had collected the traveller from the Captain’s table. As I reached Squire Trelawney, a scream came from Billy Bones. ‘It’s the red spot,’ he howled, ‘I been red-psyched by me old club mates. Poor Billy is a goner.’ So saying he clutched at his chest and fell, Dr Livesey rushing to his aid. The yokels began shouting at me, “Twas your grub done him, Jim Hawkins. ‘Tis too stodgy for bridge.’ But I found an unexpected ally. ‘Now, shipmates,’ roared the caddie,’ a timbale de perdraux et dinde aux petis pois never hurt anyone.’ As I stood dumbfounded, he pressed a card into my hand and hopped away. By this time Mother (for lodgings), the Squire (table money) and Dr. Livesey (medical services) had appropriated the Captain’s winnings. His pocket-map they flung to me in the belief it would aid my studies. I looked first at the card, on which was printed John Silver’s Bridge and Cuisine Cruises -Bristol, then at the map, which showed the island on which Captain Flint’s master points were buried. It was soon settled - we would to Bristol, hire Silver to cruise us to the island, find the hoard of masterpoints and become Grand Masters. Later, with a growing sense of unease, I remembered -Rubber Bridge does not require travellers. Had the uniped “caddie” red-psyched Billy Bones?

§¨©ª

Readers’ Queries

JOHN-BOY writes “My partner and I have just agreed to play the Unusual 2NT as showing the two lowest suits. At one table we came up against a pair of smart-alecks who said that they played Unusual over-Unusual. I assume they were conning me.”

Tog answers: Bridge isn’t that sort of game, J-B. We’re an ethical bunch. Unusual-over-Unusual for Nige and me gives special meanings to a cue-bid of either of the suits shown by the opposition. For example, I open 1¨ natural and you bid 2NT unusual showing a two-suiter in clubs and hearts, the two lowest suits. Now if Nige cue-bids 3§, the lower of your suits, he is showing support for my diamond suit, whereas if he cue-bids 3©, he is showing a good hand with the unmentioned suit, spades. There are variants on this and you should read the opposition convention card.

§¨©ª

Game for a Laugh

Some readers will have met pairs playing a Roman 2¨, showing a 4-4-4-1 or a 5-4-4-0 shape and 17-24 hcp. An amusing incident happened in the early days of the Roman 2¨ opener which concerned a rather deaf player in the West seat. North, with 21 hcp and a 4-4-1-4 distribution, opened 2¨. East holding ¨ AKQJ63 enquired and, being told it did not promise anything in diamonds, doubled. South, with a balanced l0hcp, responded 2NT whereupon North bid 3¨.

‘Well, has he got diamonds?’ demanded East, more loudly.

‘No, he is asking about four card majors,’ replied South.

For West’s benefit, East almost shouted out his second double. (it has to be remarked that West’s deafness was well-known and that it was standard for East to bid loudly, when not using a silent bidder.) South bid 3ªand North now bid 4¨. ‘Yes, please,’ enquired East, and, on being told that it showed an above-minimum hand with a diamond shortage, roared out his double.

South’s 4NT asked for aces and North bid 5¨, showing one or four. The far side of the room must have heard the bellow of East’s double. A final contract of 6ª was reached. West made the disastrous lead of a club and the contract was home.

‘A diamond lead,’ thundered East, ‘Did you not think to lead a diamond, man?’

‘A diamond?’ said West, turning up his hearing aid ’Don’t be daft North bid them four times.’

§¨©ª

Win the Club Individual Championship! - Grosvenor Cup Friday July 12th 7.15

The Newsletter No.9 July 1996

The Fourteen Spade Guide for Club Players by Tog

The Fourteen Spade Guide ,as explained to me recently by Sandra Landy, operates in one specific situation. The necessary ingredients are that you are fourth in hand, hold 11- 13 points, have any suit but spades and, following three passes, cannot open 1NT because of shape and or HCP. You may get a poor result if you don’t open, but if you do bid, the opposition may find their spade fit and give you a bad board that way. The criterion for opening is that adding your HCP to the number of spades you hold gives a value of 14 or higher. Examples: HCP + Number of Spades = FSG

(a)	ª	74	(b)	ª	8
	©	Q76		©	AKQ8
	¨	AJ986		¨	Q987
	§	K74		§	J974

10 + 2 = 12			12 + 1 = 13
So pass			So pass

(c)	ª	A3	(d)	ª	542
	©	J1085		©	K872
	¨	98		¨	KQJ4
	§	AQJ86		§	K7

12 + 2 = 14			12 + 3 = 15
Open 1§			Open 1NT/1¨/1©
			depending on style

§¨©ª

GUILTY PARTY - a Timorous & Chef story

During a recent duplicate Chef and I had a good board against Vincent Owen and Pat Eabry. Vincent recorded the result on his personal scorecard, and

coded it “0” and “P”. When I asked why, it was Pat who answered, The zero shows it is a bottom and the P” is for Pat - meaning it was my fault.’ She smiled, seemingly amused by the whole thing. I wouldn’t have been too happy about it and decided to discourage Chef from adopting a similar approach.

“You wouldn’t have done that, would you, Chef” I said. I was warmed both his by his thoughtful consideration of this proposition and by his eventual negative.

The last table brought us up against a pair who do more than their fair share of punting. The first board was no exception:

North

Q52

AK43

863

AK9

West

East

J986

Dealer North

752

QJ106

J109

Game All

AK752

872

QJ63

South

AK10743

1054

West

North

East

South

Timorous

Punter 1

Chef

Punter 2

1©

2¨

2ª

Pass

3ª

Pass

4ª

All Pass

Obediently led the ¨J to Chef’s King and he continued with the Ace and a small diamond which declarer ruffed. A trump to the Queen brought the bad news and now declarer appeared to have one trump and one club to lose far one down. It makes you sick, though, doesn’t it?

The way some of these punters get away with it! Declarer cashed dummy’s two heart winners and ruffed a heart followed by two rounds of clubs leaving a four card end game:

North

West

East

J98

Dealer North

Game All

South

AK10

The last heart was played from dummy and ruffed with the Aª I pitched my club loser and sat back. Declarer now played his last club and, with only trumps left, I was forced to ruff Chef’s boss Queen and then lead up to Declarer’s trump tenace to give him the contract. It was a bottom! A bottom that Chef recorded, to my annoyance and surprise, with a “T” in the column. For once I was speechless and the second board was upon us before I could remonstrate with him. Chef was dealer and opened 1§ and South’s overcall of 1ª4 was raised to 4ª. The full deal was:

North

J8754

KJ3

1082

West

East

Dealer East

109764

A82

108764

Love All

Q32

QJ9754

South

Q10962

J95

AK6

I had a reasonable double of 4ª but I couldn’t entirely trust a man who had just reneged on his promise by recording a bad result as my fault. Still I did lead his suit, only to find his §9 losing to declarer’s Ace. Declarer switched to a small heart to the Jack and Ace. Chef led §J, covered by Declarer’s King and I made my small ruff. I tried a heart but Declarer got in and our top spades fell together. The contract was made for +420 and another bottom.

‘At least I didn’t double, Chef,’ I said, ‘despite you having opened.’

But Chef was busily writing another “T” by the side of the score. I began to see red, ‘Look here, Chef, how can you suggest either of those bad results were my fault7

‘Take this hand - think of when you were about to ruff,’ he said,’ what did I have for my opening?’ ©A, 4, §QJ, that makes 7 points, 0 to3 points in ¨ because dummy has the Ace and King.

Minimum 7 Maximum 10.’

‘So ,‘said Chef, ‘I must have values in spades for my bid, probably the King. So you should have ruffed with the ªA and got me in with the ªK to take my club winner.’

‘OK, so I didn’t think,’ I said angrily, ‘but when you blame me unfairly for the first...’ ‘Nothing unfair about it. You gave declarer his contract when you threw that small club.’ You mean when he ruffed the last heart with ªA, I should have under-ruffed?’

‘Of course. Keep that club and declarer has to lose a club and a trump. You cannot be end-played!’ Thinking about it, I saw that Chef was correct. Sometimes he infuriates me beyond measure. But I did have one grumble ‘You said,’ my tone was stem, ‘when we played Vin and Pat, that you would not have written “P” on the scorecard. You gave it a lot of thought and then went back on your word.’ ‘Not at all,’ said Chef, laughing, ‘I was speaking the truth when I said I wouldn’t have written “P”. I’d have put “V”. It was his fault.’

§¨©ª

And now, for Bridge Players of all ages …… Neil and Len’s

Pleasure Island

Episode 2. Betrayed!

The Bridge Cruise ship Hispaniola was at anchor in the Tortugas. Dolphins cavorted around the bows and pelicans dipped into Bluewater bay, a natural harbour of Leisure Island. Exotic fish shoaled in the shelter of a pink coral reef which guarded a white, palm-fringed beach. But I, Jim Hawkins, had no eyes for such wonders. I was whipping cream in the place where I was happiest, the galley. Rated as assistant Cook, I was learning from the Cruise Director, Long John Silver, how to organise meals for the delicate digestions of bridge players at sea. A delicious scent of sautéed salt pork in a steamed mixed vegetable julienne mingled with the aroma fonds de volaille. The soporific atmosphere was disturbed only by the Captain’s orders, relayed through a megaphone-system:

‘Belay that - no moving before I call. Right, East-West down two tables, boards down one. Move now.’

Ignoring the progression of the multiple teams, I laid aside the cream and checked my work surface:

calvados for deglazing, cider, a chinois sieve for straining the sauce, 52 bramley apples and . . . .no, surely not..., only 51 Cox’s pippins. Such a ratio would never do for my apple sauce. I went to the apple barrel, which stood in the Crew Mess. It was almost empty and I had to climb inside to secure the essential extra pippin. As I was about to get out, a number of men shuffled into the room, headed by Long John Silver and, not knowing why, I dipped back into concealment. The men wore the crimson jackets and grey breeches of Bridge Directors, but a lack of personal hygiene distinguished them from their counterparts on land. Silver was the first to speak, ‘Now Israel,’ he grunted, ‘how be our lads doing in the Multiple? I knows that you have seen the tear-off slips, matey. Be George Merry’s team ahead?’ I stifled a gasp. It was not proper for Silver to refer to the Merry team as our lads. He, of all men aboard, was supposed to be impartial.

‘It be very close between Merry and Trelawney, John,’ replied Israel Hands, the Senior Director. ‘Then we must help George. You all knows the plan. Losers have to suit the cards and put the boards away. Whilst Trelawney’s lot are busy doing that we take the map and get Flint’s masterpoints. lf they try to stop us..’ He drew his fist across his throat in an evil gesture before continuing, ‘Bring out that prepared board 28 and switch it for the one in play,’ he commanded.

‘That would contrary to Laws and Ethics, John Silver,’ growled a man called Blind Pew. ‘Laws and Ethics,’ scoffed Silver, ‘a fat lot you care for them. Israel, here, lost his hands when they caught him dealing a goulash. And you, Blind Pew, they took your eyes out for peeping at your opponents cards. Black I)og, they flogged you for adjusting travellers, after the competition. Just take that board in and tip George the wink.’ The traitors shuffled out, leaving me shivering with a mixture of fear and indignation. By the time I was able to struggle out of the barrel and reach the bridge room it was too late to warn my friends. Merry had already opened 1© on Board 28 and it would go next to Trelawney’s table. Wondering what was afoot, I concentrated on the deal and bidding:

North

Q9632

AJ876

West

East

Q10954

Dealer North

832

AJ8

K75

N/S Vul

Q1043

542

Q93

South

KJ76

104

KJ765

K10

West

North

East

South

Redruth

Merry

Truro

Morgan

1©

Pass

1ª

Pass

2§

Pass

3NT

All Pass

The ª10 lead was won by dummy’s singleton Ace. Declarer ran the ¨9 which held the trick and followed with the ¨8, won by West’s Ace. West switched to the ©J, covered by dummy’s Queen and won by East’s King, Declarer pitching his small heart. Truro, sitting East, now returned the ª8 and declarer’s Jack lost to West’s Queen. A small club produced the six from dummy, nine from East and declarer unblocked with the King. He played the ©10, allowed to hold. Now followed the §10, overtaken by the Jack and won by East’s Queen. Another spade was won in hand with the King, but now, after cashing his ¨K , Declarer could win no more tricks. Three down, undoubled for -300. Truro grinned at Redruth. But Silver’s duplicity with Board 28 now dawned on me. In teams, Trelawney would be certain to try for game. Knowing the contract to be hopeless, Silver’s men would double and, just as surely, Squire Trelawney would redouble, for he regarded doubling as an impertinence. Three down, doubled, redoubled and vulnerable would be -1600, a lethal swing. I watched, with a dread feeling of deja-vu, as events followed this course and was aware of Silver, surrounded by leering associates, kibitzing poor Trelawney. I was jerked out of this mood by something Trelawney did at Trick 4. He had played the ©10 not the ©4 on East’s King. Then up went Trelawney’s King on the spade return and he led his small heart towards dummy. Mad George squirmed in the West seat, put up his Ace and threw Trelawney into dummy with another heart to leave the following ending:

North

AJ87

West

East

Q95

Dealer North

N/S Vul

Q10

542

Q93

South

K10

The two hearts squeezed East, who pitched a spade and a club, Trelawney throwing a spade and the ¨J. A club to his King, the ¨K and a club back

to dummy saw Declarer make an overtrick. ‘Well done, partner,’ said Doctor Livesey, ‘3NT”’xx + 1. That’s 1400 to the good guys. Looks like you’ll be suiting the cards and clearing away, Mad George, old chap.’ The Squire dunked a cornish pasty in a cutglass goblet of chilled Orvieto fino all’orizzonte and bit deeply into it, squelching malodorous gravy upon the green baize. I shuddered, wondering if such people were worth saving. But, recalling my duty to our small party, I informed the Squire of Silver’s treachery

We had just enough time to load the jolly-boat and row to the island, whilst our enemies were clearing the bridge room. From the beach a surprisingly good

track led towards the centre of Leisure Island. Further evidence of its human provenance came in the form of yellowing personal score cards and at one point, my keen young ears detected the ringing of a bell.

‘It can’t be far now, Jim, lad,’ encouraged the Doctor.

‘Far to where?’ I queried.

‘Why, to Flint’s old bridge club. The one he ran here until he went down on a bridge cruise.’

‘As you’d expect on a bridge cruise, he went down with all hands,’ gurgled the Squire.

We’ll make our base there,’ continued Livesey, ‘and be hanged to Long John Silver.’

A study of our group suggested that it was we who would be hanged: “Whisky” Smollet, a decaying bridge professional, whose bulbous red nose and purple visage proclaimed his weakness; the Squire, our best player, who would hold out just as long as the cornish pasties did, the unimaginative Doctor; Redruth and Truro, mere County Masters; Hunter and Joyce, more likely to alarm their teammates than the opposition; Old Warleggan, reputedly several forms short of a guinea and his partner, “Tin-Head” Poldark, still not a club master after fifteen years of three nights a week duplicate.

At last we entered the dusty abandoned stockade in which Flint had once organised high-stake bridge and began to put it to rights. With unashamed joy, I found the kitchen to be spacious and well supplied with utensils. I had hoped to be chosen for our team-of-eight but Smollet said he would as soon select one of the monkeys, who were capering outside, as pick me. Hurt, as only a sensitive adolescent boy could be, I ran out of the club and into the night

§¨©ª

Game for a Laugh

this month “The Worst Partner” by Ron Klinger

It was game all when I picked up the following collection:

only to hear RHO open a preemptive 3¨. I cue-bid 4¨ passed by LHO and also by my partner. I tried mentally to prepare for the worst, when, to my

astonishment, RHO doubled, allowing me to escape into hearts. We comfortably made 4©+ 1 and LHO regarded me with some curiosity.

‘Well, Ron,’ he said, ‘do you have the worst partner or do I?’ Frankly, I don’t know. The respective de-merits of a partner, who leaves one in a cue-bid of a preempt, and of a partner, who allows the cuebidder to escape by doubling, elude me.

§¨©ª

Readers Questions

Two of our regulars have sent in questions for Tog to answer. First JOHN-BOY writes: My partner and I use Gerber to ask for Aces but we have twice got into wrong contracts when clubs are the trump suit. Is there a way around this?

Tog replies: I prefer not to play Gerber but, if you must, why not consider Black and Red Gerber. When a red suit has been agreed as trumps then 4§ asks for aces; when a black suit has been agreed. 4¨ becomes the Ace-asking bid

ONSLOW writes: With more people at the club playing a strong club system such as Precision, my partner and I would like a simple defence against the strong club.

Tog replies: It seems that a codified defence such as TRUSCOTTor DISCO is not to your taste. Then why not use a simplified WONDER BID defence in which overcalls up to 2§ show either the suit bid or a three suiter with a shortage in the suit bid So 1§- 1© either shows a good heart suit or a shortage in hearts with the other three suits. Partner, with support bids his best outside suit, without support bids 1NT or passes, with a strong hand bids 2NT.

The complete system is more sophisticated but even this modified version can throw the strong-clubbers out of their stride.

§¨©ª

Congratulations to Charles Foster for his win in the Grosvenor Cup Individual.

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