The Club Christmas Party 

My Hand was AKQJT98765432 Spades 

‘Twas the Club Christmas party, and needless to say,
The punch and the season had made us quite gay.
“Find your seats and sit quickly” the director had said,
As visions of first place danced in my head.
When I checked our position, I got dry in the mouth,
We’d been assigned Table One, sitting North/South.
Just little ole novices, my partner and me,
We’d come fourth once, but never first three.
With two Grand Masters sitting East/West,
We took our positions and said not a word,
But I’m sure our heartbeats could clearly be heard.

We shuffled the cards without blinking an eye,
I dropped one on the floor and thought I would die.
As North I was dealer and though I was green,
I knew to open you must have thirteen.
I sorted my hand and counted … alas,
With only ten points, I just had to pass.
And frankly, I thought, this was a shame,
‘Cos I’d never had 13 Spades in a game.
My left hand opponent, East was his name,
Opened “Two Diamonds” and I thought of his fame.

My partner, South, was trembling with fear,
And the bid of “Two Hearts” came into my ear.
My right hand opponent sat straight in his chair,
“Three Hearts” was the suit he chose to declare.
Now I possessed a good suit, but alas,
With nothing in hearts, I could only pass.
My left hand opponent now bid “Three Spades”,
And you can imagine that I was amazed.

My partner, South, bid “Four Hearts” and I thought,
If they take the bid, I can’t lead her best suit.

My right hand opponent studied his hand
And soon “Seven No Trumps” was his command.
It was my turn to bid, and just to save face,
I doubled ‘cos I knew he missed the Spade Ace.
The next bids were pass, pass, pass.
So I was ready to lead, but alas,
My partner was nervous and she led the Heart King.
Now a lead out of turn is a damaging thing.
The Director was called, I can still hear his voice,
As he told declarer he could make his own choice.
With a singleton heart, you must understand,
This could well be his only entry to hand.
So he turned to me and, looking so smart,
He said “Lead any suit, but don’t lead a Heart.”

So, of course, I led my fourth best spade.
I guess it was the best lead I ever made,
Cos’ in this hand I never lost the lead,
And our opponents (Grand Masters) had to concede.
Thirteen tricks we took right off the top,
When we won the board I thought I would pop.
Now I ask you, with a board like this,
The rest of the game, well how could we miss???
And I overheard the Director say “Who was that lass
Who had thirteen spades and cleverly passed???”
After winning first place, and still full of fright,
“Merry Christmas” we called and they all said

“GOODNIGHT!”