Our commentaries are now used by a few clubs, some of which are close by.
For reasons of security we will no longer be posting them on the website.
Naturally when you have played in a session you will be emailed the commentary that night.
They all use Standard English Acol and are suitable for Second Years+
There are 24 boards each week.
Any club who wishes to use our commentaries should contact me:
Our club is totally unique in that it offers anyone who rocks up to our club a guranteed game.
To enable us to fulfil this valuable commitment we need more volunteer hosts.
We already have a small but commited group of volunteers. We need more to spread the burden.
Identify a Tuesday session in the forthcoming months where you would be able to volunteer and drop a line to our Host Angel
Our club has always been a great advocate of 'everyone gets a game'. Just turn up and a partner will be found - every time.
It particularily suits people graduating from courses who have yet to find a regular partner and people new to the area who want to try our club (good choice!)
Our lovely Maureen is our Chief Host Angel. Her task is to allocate volunteer hosts to session dates.
She looks a bit shocked here actually:-)
Twas the club Christmas party, and needless to say,
The punch and the season had made us quite gay.
“Find your seats and shuffle” the director had said,
As visions of first place danced in my head.
When I checked our position, I got dry in the mouth,
We’d been assigned Table One, sitting North/South.
Just little ole novices, my partner and me,
We’d come fourth once, but never first three.
With two Grand Masters sitting East/West,
We took our positions and said not a word,
But I’m sure our heartbeats could clearly be heard.
We shuffled the cards without blinking an eye,
I dropped one on the floor and thought I would die.
As North I was dealer and though I was green,
I knew to open you must have thirteen.
I spread my hand and counted … alas,
With only ten points, I just had to pass.
And frankly, I thought, this was a shame,
‘Cos I’d never had 13 Spades in a game.
My left hand opponent, East was his name,
Opened “Two Diamonds” and I thought of his fame.
My partner, South, was trembling with fear,
And the bid of “Two Hearts” came into my ear.
My right hand opponent sat straight in his chair,
“Three Hearts” was the suit he chose to declare.
Now I possessed a good suit, but alas,
With nothing in hearts, I could only pass.
My left hand opponent now bid “Three Spades”,
And you can imaginethat I was amazed.
My partner, South, bid “Four Hearts” and I thought,
If they take the bid, I couldn’t lead her best suit.
My right hand opponent studied his hand
And soon “Seven No Trumps” was his command.
It was my turn to bid, and just to save face,
I doubled ‘cos I knew he missed the Spade Ace.
The next bids were pass, pass, pass.
So I was ready to lead, but alas,
My partner was nervous and she led the Heart King.
Now a lead out ofturn is a damaging thing.
The Director was called, I can still hear his voice,
As he told declarer he could make his own choice.
With a singleton heart, you must understand,
This could well be his only entry to hand.
So he turned to me and, looking so smart,
He said “Lead any suit, but don’t lead Heart.”
So, of course, I led my fourth best spade.
I guess it was the best lead I ever made,
Cos’ in this hand I never lost the lead,
And our opponents (Grand Masters) had to concede.
Thirteen tricks we took right off the top,
When we won the board I thought I would pop.
Now I ask you, with a board like this,
The rest of the game, well how could we miss???
And I overheard the Director say “Who was that lass
Who had thirteen spades and cleverly passed???”
After winning first place, and still full of fright,
“Merry Christmas” we called and they all said
Much better to play in a friendly club where you are protected from your partner!
I'm giving up bridge- tonight's my last nightit’s amen to Staymen, I give up the fight.The insults and muddles are giving me troubles and I can't sleep at night for thinking of doubles.My cards are all rotten and I have forgottenwho’s played and what's trumps and what's gone on my right!So for now it's all over- I'm off to the back woodI'm bidding good-bye to Gerber and BlackwoodI can't stand the hassle, I can't stand the painI'm getting those bad cards again and again.So I'm giving up bridge- Tonight's a bad night.Declarer is horrid and nothing's going right.My partner's a dope and I'm losing all hope.And when she says “double” I know we're in trouble.My points are not high and I'm wondering whyshe kept on bidding right up to the sky.We're in seven spades and all my hope fadesWhen surprise, surprise, the high bidding pays!We're winning all tricks, the defenders feel sick, And I have to admit my partner's a brickBut I'm giving up bridge- Tonight's my last night.!Farewell to conventions- I give up the fight? So I leave with few words but some that are true,Bridge is a game- not for me but for you.So be kind to your partners and don't mind their cheek.For it's only a game- Oh! Yes. I'll see you next week
Am livid because you went to bed with an Ace!
An excerpt from Animal Crackers c1930. Playing for small steaks and french fried potatoes has its attractions.Click on the title to view.