Etiquette and Correct Procedure at the bridge table – A new series to promote happier bridge.  The sections are in no particular order – just like the results in Strictly Come Dancing!!!! – except that the things that niggle me most I’ll do first???  Then at least I’ll be happier.

Alerting Bids- When we remember, for once, what our partner's conventional bid means there is a great desire to let the world know by ANNOUNCING it.  However there are only a few conventions that are announced (eg the strength of an opening 1NT 2NT or natural 2 bid and some responses to 1 and 2 NT); the rest are ALERTED.  You must not offer any explanation unless you are asked.  Flash your BLUE ALERT CARD so that it has been seen by both opponents and stay stum.

Asking for an explanation - Your LHO calls and RHO waves his alert card under your nose - you wait for him to say something but nothing emanates (he has read the preceding paragraph).  You must not ask either: it is not your turn to bid.  If your partner asks you are allowed to listen to the answer!  If he doesn't ask you can ask at your turn to play or bid.   Two extra points - 1) You do not need to ask immediately: if the opponents are conducting a long and complicated auction then asking them to explain will only help them to clarify their thoughts - let them get on with it and ask the questions later.  Not that I would wish to disconcert an opponent deliberately but when they are obviously having difficulty deciding how to play a hand; a well timed question about the second bid of the auction (which happened some 5 minutes ago) at trick 10 may well tdistract them from clear thought.  No no no forget that I said that it would be cheating. 2) You can ask about any call (or play for that matter) not just ones that are alerted.

Shuffling the Cards -  There are two occasions when cards are shuffled: 1) When dealing the hand - to ensure a completely random distribution (and not 'interesting' ghoulashes) - experts say 7 riffle shuffles will randomise the cards; 2) When returning the cards to the board - this ensures that no information about the order of played cards or the lead can be gained by a subsequent player - not particularly relevant at all but the most expert table but it is in the laws so why not obey it!

Playing in turn.  Declarer South leads from hand and simultaneously plays low from Dummy.  What can be wrong with that?  Or  Dummy plays the singleton in the suit without waiting for West; where’s the problem?

One problem arises when everybody is not quite awake.  East might play before his partner.  West may be confused and not play a card at all.  South might lead to the next trick only to find West now wants to ruff the previous one.  Chaos.  Solution: play the cards in the correct turn.  A more serious problem is that it can be used as a form of hurrying defenders when they want to think about their play.  Declarer has no right to dictate the speed of play (unlike the server in tennis) more of this later....

Arrival at the table.  Mea Culpa on this one.  When your opponents arrive at the table or you sit down at their's it is most discourteous to continue arguing about (sorry: discussing) the last hand as if they didn't exist.  That hand has gone - talk about it in the car going home if you want to - courteous greetings are definitely in order - but should not extend to conversations when we are trying to play 28 boards.

Loud Discussions. "Why didn't you bid 3NT" rings across the room or "everybody else got 11 tricks".  Please remember that other people have yet to play the board and would rather not know what they should achieve (OK maybe not quite true).  Unfolding the traveller and turning round so that players can analyse for themselves aleviates the need for most discussion (if not recriminations!!!).