Capitulation (Author unknown)

I'm giving up bridge - Tonight's my last night

It's Amen to Staymen, I give up the fight

The insults and muddles are giving me troubles

And I can't sleep at night for thinking of doubles.

My cards are all rotten and I have forgotten

Who's played and what's trumps and what's gone on my right!

So for now its all over - I'm off to the backwood

I'm bidding goodbye to Gerber and Blackwood.

I can't stand the hassle, I can't stand the pain

I'm getting bad cards again and again

So I'm giving up bridge - Tonight's a bad night

Declarer is horrid and nothing's gone right.

My partner's a dope and I'm losing all hope

And when he says 'double' I know we're in trouble.

My points are not high and I'm wondering why

He kept on bidding right up to the sky.

We're in seven spades and all my hope fades

When surprise, surprise, the high bidding pays!

We're winning all tricks; the defenders feel sick

And I have to admit my partner's a brick.

But I'm giving up bridge - Tonight's my last night.

Farewell to conventions - I give up the fight!

So I leave with few words but some that are true

Bridge is a game - not for me but for you.

So be kind to your partners and don't mind their cheek

For its only a game - Oh! yes. I'll see you next week.