ACBL.    An organisation which, like its national government, tries to dictate its policies worldwide.

 

A PRIORI.   The practice of purchasing the first round in order to keep partner happy.

 

A  COL.   The female cleavage when used to put off male opponents.  

 

ACOL TWO-BID.    An antiquated notion, by which means a player could show actual length and strength in the suit named.

 

ALBARRAN.   Any star player, originally named after the brightest star in the constellation Taurus.

 

AUCTION.   A series of mental and physical contortions by which means, a pair can accurately bypass the last making contract. 

 

BALANCING.   The attempts of a player to sit up straight. Often seen just before passing out.

 

BARON.   A hand with less than 5 points and no 5-card suit.

 

BENJAMIN.   An Israeli international who with his brother, Joseph introduced the multi-coloured system.

 

BENNETT MURDER.   The act of not playing dummy, or a defensive hand, to its greatest potential.

 

BLACKWOOD.   A bid requisite in certain systems, used prior to guessing the final contract.

 

BOARD.   In a duplicate event, the situation arising  when not allowed to play at least half the deals as declarer..

 

BULLER Col. W.  A regular or well-known psycher.

 

C.A.JONES   Mexican player infamous for his nerve and daring.

  

CANAPE.   A term used in better class clubs for nuts and crisps.

 

CONTRACT.   See “Garozzo”.

 

COUP EN PASSANT.   The psychological trick of kicking a lady opponent’s hand bag whilst joining or leaving the table, in order to upset their concentration.

 

CUE-BID.   A suggestion to partner that snooker might be a better idea. See “board”.

 

 

CULBERTSON.   The theory that bridge was created in six days by an omnipotent being who then needed a rest (see “cue-bid”). The alternative theory is that of the big deal.

 

DANGER HAND.   The 13 cards held by partner.

 

DIRECTIONAL ASKING BID.   “Which way do the boards go?”

 

DUCK.    A kind of decoy  used in conjunction with the Bath coup.

 

DUMMY.    Any of the other three members of your team.

 

EBU.   Adherents of those who made the great trek from Thame to Aylesbury in the first century after bidding boxes. 

 

ENTRY.   Sometimes attempted after a squeeze, but usually countered by an avoidance play.

 

FINESSE.  A quality found mainly in tournament directors.

 

FLAT HAND.   A well known avoidance play (see “entry”).

 

FORCING PASS.   See “entry”

 

GAME FORCING.  See “entry”.

 

GAROZZO.   Hit man for the Stoke Bishop Mob, which controls master point laundering.

 

GHESTEM.   A mind-altering drug, causing loss of memory. It’s main function is to provide anaerobic exercise for directors.

 

GOING DOWN. See “entry”.

 

GREEN.   The method of hand evaluation whereby a player adds 50% to his points value and bids accordingly. See “board”.

 

GREEN POINT.  Three year options on non-transferable stock or share certificates with no re-sale value costing about £20 each.

 

HAND PATTERN. Any of 40 distributions possible including the dreaded 4-4-4-3 which is impossible to bid.

 

HAND RECORDS.  White papers issued by some governments detailing your mistakes. See “Bennett murder”.

 

HEAD-TO-HEAD.   A method of confronting opponents after they have used unauthorised information. Also used in commenting to the director after he has ruled against a player.

INFORMATORY DOUBLE.   A bid which forces partner to make the critical decision. It’s precise meaning is decided during the post mortem.

 

INVERTED MINOR.   The, now illegal, practice of hanging children by their toes in their bedrooms whilst hosting a bridge party.

 

IRREGULARITY.                   A complaint common to sedentary pastimes, most often solved by an unblocking play.

 

LOWER MINOR.    Procedure which must be followed after hosting a bridge party.

 

MAJOR SUIT.   Any member of the EBU board of directors.

 

MORTON’S FORK.   A very large implement used for bridge buffets and teas.

 

nCr.   A mathematical description of exactly how you will mess up any given hand. 

 

NIKING.   A combination of cards not quite so good as a tenace.

  

NO TRUMPS.   The most common device used to avoid “board”.

 

ONE CLUB SYSTEM.    A bidding method designed primarily to force opponents to bid anything they like.

 

OPPONENT.  Any of the other three players at your table.

 

OPTIONAL DOUBLE.    See “ a priori”.

 

OVERCALL.   In unopposed auctions such as …..1h, 1s, 2h, 2s, 3h, 3s, 4h, 4s…….all the bids after 2s are known as overcalls. See “board”.

 

PABIS TICCI.    The leading manufacturer of designer bridge wear.

 

PART-SCORE.    An abortive attempt at “entry”.

 

PLANNING THE PLAY.    A method of choosing between which of two cards to play at trick twelve.

 

PLAYING TRICKS.   An alternative name for psyching.

 

PRE-EMPTIVE RAISE.   A bid showing precisely 12-14 cards.

 

PSYCHING.    The practice of making ridiculous bids by choice rather than accidentally.

RECTIFYING THE COUNT.   Realising that it’s your round and dealing with the matter.

REVERSING.    A ploy found almost impossible by lady players.

 

ROMEX.    A timing device used by more affluent directors.

 

RUBBER.   See “entry”.

 

SCRAMBLED MITCHELL.   The result of the TD placing the relay  boards on the wrong table.

 

SHUFFLE.   The orderly progress of players in a Howell movement.

 

SOUTH AFRICAN TEXAS.   One of the venues on the Grand Australian Bridge Tour. Others include Panama, Rome, and Transfers.

 

START TIME.   An abstract theory based on relativity and quantum chatting.

 

STATIONERY PAIR.  Those responsible for travellers, score cards, name-slips etc.

               

SWISS MOVEMENT.  The director’s clock, used for timing rounds ( see “Romex”).

 

TABLE PRESENCE.   The occasional situation occurring when bar presence and cigarette break are not current.

 

TABLE NUMBERS.    Objectionable pieces of equipment that must be hidden by any means possible.

 

TOURNAMENT DIRECTOR.   A much-loved being, bestowed with the combined skills of a kindergarten teacher, a vicar, and an 18th century royal navy captain.

“He is a scholar, a ripe & good one: exceeding wise, fair-spoken & persuading. Lofty & sour to them that love him not; but to those that seek him, sweet as summer”. (Bill S., Warks.)

 

TRANSFERRING THE MENACE.    Arranging for a player to find new employment in Wokingham.

 

TRAVELLER.    A player in search of “green points”.

 

TRIPLE GRAND COUP.   The minimum bribe that a TD will accept.

 

UPPERCUT.    One of the possible outcomes of “head-to-head”.

 

YARBOROUGH.   The seaside resort which used to host the EBU summer congress before it was moved to Brighton.